| 'Some of you have been breaking the first two rules...' Authored by Keith Berzanske - February 13, 2005 - 6:22 am
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Those who have seen the movie will remember Edward Norton as 'the Narrator' (he was never really given a name), but in actuality Norton was a very unreliable narrator. In the film's first act, Norton is indeed telling the story, but as the film moves into the second act the story catches up with Norton and seems to take over. By the time the third act begins, one gets the feeling that the story has passed Norton by, and that he really doesn't know what's going on.
{"Bunk beds? Why the hell do we need bunk beds?"}
The NBA season is very similar. In November and December, we observe the season with old eyes. We know who the good players and the good teams are, and if anything is out of the ordinary, we assume it will even itself out. The Sonics in first - that can't last! Bobby Simmons can't be a regular starter averaging double figures. And in the uncertain world of coaching, at least we can't count on Flip Saunders running an exciting Timberwolves team. Right?
As January and February roll by, the story begins to catch up with us. We start to see things as they are actually happening, and realize we cannot rely on all that we witnessed last year. It's a new year, and we have to forget what we know or what we think we know. The Suns and Sonics are not flashes in the pan. LeBron James and Steve Nash really are MVP candidates. The Mavericks are just as good without Nash, 'Twan, and 'Toine. Grant Hill really is healthy.
The beautiful thing about the last 6 weeks and the playoffs is that we will be surprised. Flip Saunders will be fired, while Nate McMillan will win Coach of the Year. Two of the Lakers, Rockets, Nuggets, and Timberwolves will miss the playoffs. Chris Webber could be a playoff hero. Darko could get off the bench. A team will go on a run, look like a sure thing for the playoffs, and then suffer an injury, drop their last 4 and spend the summer at home wondering what went wrong. Ron Artest might show up after all.
Even when you see something, or something seems obvious - sometimes you made to take another look, or maybe just be patient and wait, as momentum ebbs and flows in different directions.
Someone could seize greatness before his time, or when we least expect it. You just don't know.
That's why we watch - it's the ultimate reality TV, the emotions, the drama, the agony of defeat and the thrill of victory.
This was no more evident than last year's game 5 of the Lakers/Spurs series, where the lead changes hands 3 times in the last 12 seconds. Even when Derek Fisher's miracle shot went in, I still wasn't sure the game was over or who won. Much like Marla Singer, the Spurs are still trying to figure out what happened. Maybe they never will.
Just like Fight Club, the individual battles during the regular season mean one thing to the combatants on their own individual level. But taken as a whole, the whole experience of the season, the great teams transcend to a new level. They move out of the basement, so to speak, and begin to work together at a new level to achieve new goals and to change the course of history.
Unfortunately, we haven't yet reached that exciting point - we're still in the middle of the story. And since we're still kind of aware of what's going on, let's recap and maybe try to figure out what the hell is going to happen from here on out.
(1) "Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. ... We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very p---ed off. "
This is dedicated to all of those players who have come to the realization this year that they probably will never be more significant than they are right now. Despite most having lofty draft status, they'll never be All-Stars, and some may never be starters. This includes the likes of Shane Battier, Chris Mihm, Antonio Daniels, Brendan Haywood, Hedo Turkoglu, Jon Barry, Jim Jackson, Austin Croshere, Earl Boykins, Tony Battie, and Rasho Nesterovic. But they still get to play, some quite a bit, and they can still have an impact and often do. But they all know that the minute they stop working, the minute they take a play or two off, they'll be replaced. And that keeps them motivated.
(2) "Look, just give me the paychecks, like I asked, and you'll never see me again!"
To Alonzo Mourning, who I don't think even set foot in Canada. Now he'll sign with the Heat, and might get a ring. Or he might have kidney failure. (Wow, it is a lot like Fight Club...)
(3) "This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. "
To Reggie Miller and Karl Malone, who at the end of the year will officially join John Stockton, Charles Barkley, Dominique Wilkens, and Patrick Ewing on the list of 'Hall of Famers whose pursuits of a championship ring were thwarted almost singlehandedly by one Michael Jordan'. Gary Payton, you'll be next...
(4) "Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger"
(5) "I'm gonna go inside and I'm going to get a shovel"
To Stephen Jackson and Jermaine O'Neal, who looked ready to take on the whole crowd in Detroit, and to Jamaal Tinsley, who decided he'd be better prepared if he armed himself with a custodial tool. This was the NBA's ugliest incident not only this year but probably of the decade. And while the player weren't as much to blame as everyone wants to think, they still did not handle the situation well.
(6) "You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!"
To Ron Artest, who needs serious therapy for his bipolar episodes. Basketball is Artest's Marla Singer. He enjoys it for awhile, sometimes for a few days in a row. Then one night he's in the basement, making bathtubs full of soap into homemade nitroglycerine...
(7) "I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more. "
To the Phoenix Suns, who are just running teams into the ground nightly. Like the Sonics, the Suns gave up on being a traditional team, abandoned the idea of having a real center, put the best five guys on the floor, laced up their track shoes, and waited for the starting gun. they haven't looked back since. The only apparent way to slow them down is to whack Steve Nash on the knee in the pregame warmups, Nancy Kerrigan style. Without Nash, the Suns look suspiciously normal, as they did when Stephon Marbury ran the team.
speaking of Marbury...
(8) "Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."
Isiah Thomas can talk all he wants about his acquisitions, but Marbury is what he is, a me-first point guard that has no idea how to close out a game and win it, and the Knicks are what they are, a collection of overpaid stiffs who are not sound fundamentally and have never really own anything of note.
(9) "If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person? "
To Drew Gooden, who after just two years had a bad reputation and was on his third. Two weeks hanging out with Lebron James, and he apparently just *became* Carlos Boozer. The team was disconsolate and the fans in an uproar about losing Boozer, and Gooden has come in and essentially put up the same numbers.
(10) "Okay. Take both the parasites. They're yours. "
To the Minnesota Timberwolves, who have been eaten out from the inside by the attitude and unproductive play of Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell. These guys spent last year nesting and making a home, and this year they are biting the hand that feeds them. Not good - not sure if the Timberwolves can recover in time.
(11) "You need to forget about what you know, that's your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me."
To the Washington Wizards, who have realigned my perception about my perceptions. I mean, c'mon - didn't they look like Golden State East at the beginning of the year. They had the imported the Warriors' top three scorers from just two seasons before: Gilbert Arenas, Larry Hughes, and Antawn Jamison. That Warriors team didn't exactly take the world by storm. But those players matured and improved in the last couple of years and something has clicked here. If Kwame Brown and Etan Thomas ever get healthy, the Wizards may really have something special going.
(12) "Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. "
To Chris Webber, who has endured just about every possible type of heartbreaking, gut-wrenching defeat imaginable, and somehow came back this year better than ever. Talk about strong mental resolve. Webber should have made the All-Star team - does anyone realized how much he has improved over the years? Webber used to be a 45% free throw shooter - this year he's over 80. Here's a guy that used to be a center that now has legitimate 3 point range. And there may not be a better passing power forward in the game today.
Each year, the Kings are right there, competing, waiting for the breaks to go their way. For Webber, each year the heartbreak gets worse and worse. Last year was agonizing, as Webber's shot at the buzzer in game 7 rimmed out, sending the Kings home. But this year Webber has done some things he's never done before. He has made several game winning shots already this year, and a couple from long range. No one has really noticed Webber and the Kings this year, and because of this they have a good shot at pulling an upset or two in the playoffs.
(13) "Third rule of Fight Club, someone yells 'Stop!', goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. "
To the New Orleans Hornets. With the exception of Dan Dickau, whose finally getting a chance to shine (what were the Hawks thinking?) the rest of the team has pretty much mailed it in. Notice how the guys on the injured list have never really bothered to come back? Jim Jackson decided he'd rather pay thousands of dollars in fines than play for the Hornets, and fans have stopped coming even thought he team is only in its second season.
(14) "It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything."
to Grant Hill, the season's best story. The irony of Hill's comeback is that it was successful at the point where everyone had basically just given up on it ever happening. Even after Hill played a handful of games, no one really believed it would last. Well, we're halfway through February, and so far not even a limp.
(15) "I am Jack's complete lack of surprise."
To LeBron James. We knew you'd be a superstar, we knew you'd change the game, and we knew you'd make the Cavaliers a winner. Thanks for doing it in your second season. The next 20 years should be a lot of fun.
(16) "Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do?"
To the guys with the short fuses that hire NBA coaches and then turn on them the minute things go wrong. Then they go to the ol' reliable well of coaches and reach in for a replacement. That's how we have George Karl in Denver, Mike Fratello in Memphis, and the recently departed Rudy T in LA. Can't wait to see where Flip Saunders ends up next year.
(17) "You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total a--hole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?"
To Jason Kidd and the Nets. The Nets have the league's best point guard, yet are rebuilding, yet they trade for Vince Carter - very confusing...luckily there weren't a lot of season ticket holders there to scratch their heads.
Carter, meanwhile looks like a man possessed again. Just shows how much a player can be affected by his surroundings. The Raptors going through 2GM's and 4 coaches in 4 years should be a lesson in patience to everyone. Of course, they'll never learn...
(18) "I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around."
To Shaq, who draws so much attention that good players like Udonis Haslem look like quasi All-Stars, and good guys like Keyon Dooling, Michael Doleac, and Rasual Butler actually look like NBA players. If you doubt Shaq's impact, look at where the heat rank in terms of field goal percentage, free throw attempts, and other key offensive categories.
(19) "It's just, when you buy furniture, you tell yourself, 'that's it. That's the last sofa I'm gonna need. Whatever else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled.' "
To the Spurs - as long as they have Tim Duncan, they are one of the league's top 3 teams. They've got that problem licked. As uncertain as this year's playoffs look to be, the Spurs are a good bet to come out of the West. They are a finely tuned machine at this point, and Duncan is the engine that purrs so smooth.
(20) "It's called a 'changeover.' The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea."
This brings us to the All-Star break - the season's changeover. every year, things take a dramatic turn here, but no one really notices the changes until St. Patrick's Day. But this is the point where players start to turn it up, the pretenders are separated from the contenders, trades are made, rotations are set, and all eyes fixate on the Larry O'Brien Trophy.
While we may think we know how it's going to turn out from then, we're really just guessing. We have no idea. and that's OK. What makes the NBA great is that every year, while there are constants, you never know what one or two things you don't expect are going to change. So you have to watch. And enjoy.
I know this because Tyler knows this.
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